A Love Most Worthy Page 7

  “Oh, Rance.” Sobs shook her body.

  Heart pounding with the force of a blacksmith’s hammer, he scanned the landscape to be sure the bear hadn’t changed course. It was gone. He whispered in her ear, “Shush, Hallie. Everything’s fine. Where are the boys?”

  She pointed to a small creek. Robbie and Davie rose from a stand of brush and ran toward them. They clung tight to Rance’s legs, all four of them forming a wet and muddy, body-hugging circle.

  “Aunt Hallie saved us.”

  Uncertain of the bear’s whereabouts, Rance picked up Davie and said, “Not so loud, Nugget. Let’s get out of here.”

  He nudged the others into a rapid pace toward town and looked over his shoulder more often than straight ahead. Despite its bulk, if the grizzly decided to retrace its steps, it could be on them before they realized it.

  Once they reached the edge of town, he encouraged them to keep walking but asked, “What happened?”

  Hallie tucked a clump of damp hair under her hat. “W-We were gathering blueberries when Robbie saw it.”

  “You were very brave—all of you.”

  Hallie paused as if seeing the scene once more. She shivered. “God heard my desperate prayers.”

  He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and drew her to his side. “Mine too.”

  At the hiccupped sob behind him, he glanced over his shoulder. Robbie had fallen to his knees. The boy’s tears soaked into his already wet pants.

  Rance scooped him into his arms, hugging his quaking little body close while Hallie rubbed his back. “What’s wrong, son?”

  “I...I miss Mama.”

  The words slammed into Rance and threatened to knock him to the ground. For the first time in months, Robbie had expressed his grief out loud. Rance had thought...he’d hoped...the boys were over the worst of it. But why should he expect healing from the children when, for him, the tragedy remained as fresh as if it happened yesterday? Did the pain of such trauma ever lessen?

  He turned to Hallie. Her blue eyes swam with sympathy for their child.

  An electrifying shock streaked through Rance. Their child. When had he begun to think of the boys as being as much hers as his? Perhaps around the time he saw the bear and realized what losing her would do to him.

  He wasn’t blind or ignorant. She cared for him. Dare he hope she even loved him? But would she feel the same once he told her the truth about himself?

  Maybe it was time to stop letting the past control his attitudes and his actions. “When we put the boys to bed tonight, Hallie, they’ll sleep like worn-out pups.”

  Her hand stopped circling Robbie’s back, and she stared at him. “We?”

  He nodded. “We.”

  WHAT A DAY! HALLIE carried a kitchen chair outside, retreating to the privacy of the tiny porch. Something about the briskness of the air this summer night refreshed her.

  As she waited for Rance, the sounds of a thriving business district a few blocks away kept her company. Though the weather had slowed construction, the banging of hammers building additional housing and businesses was interspersed with bouncing music and laughter from the dance halls, gambling establishments, and saloons.

  Aside from the noise, this moment provided a perfect opportunity for Hallie to repeat her praise to God for His protection. She also thanked Him for the chance to join her husband in saying goodnight to the boys. She’d hardly contained her delight while reading them a story. Afterward, both Davie and Robbie prayed for her, and she’d added her “Amen.”

  Using a grizzly, God had provided a unique way for her to take on a new role as a Preston. Perhaps the four of them were on the way to becoming the family she had hoped for when she’d decided to sail to Nome and marry Rance.

  Laughter escaped to float on the chilly air. Why had she ever sought to imitate Papa’s gold-seeking adventures when her Heavenly Father had given her an adventure of her own—to marry an amazing man and raise two precious boys?

  A comforting notion took root as she recalled her prayer for protection against the bear. Father. All her life, Hallie had addressed God in that manner, yet it had taken Rance’s words the day she kissed him to remind her of a Father who loved her enough to sacrifice His Son for her, as she had been ready to sacrifice herself for Robbie and Davie. A true parent provided more than a roof over his child’s head. He provided unconditional love and the assurance of his presence.

  The door opened, and her husband walked out with a chair of his own. He placed it in front of the door, next to hers, and sat. The chill in the air sent a shiver through her, or was it his nearness?

  Rance had remained silent during supper, but she’d caught him peering at her on occasion. She twisted the ring on her finger. After more thought on his part, did he blame her for what happened today? Did he feel sorry for himself for having married her?

  No. If either were the case, why had he asked her to be present when putting the boys to bed? Unless he regretted the invitation.

  Finally, she said, “You’re awfully quiet tonight.”

  Rance glanced at her. “Robbie has changed since you arrived.”

  Hallie had noticed Robbie growing more relaxed and outgoing over the past few weeks. Not wanting to upset them, she had never questioned the boys about what happened to their parents, but Robbie’s tears this afternoon said he continued to suffer from the grief.

  “He was always a younger version of my brother, Trevor—steady and reliable.”

  “That sounds like you.”

  Rance grimaced. “I’ve prayed and prayed neither boy follows in my footsteps.”

  “I don’t understand. Robbie is...” She closed her mouth on the phrase “as somber as you” for fear she would offend him. Besides, the description wasn’t entirely true, or there wouldn’t be moments when she saw her husband as a man of deep and opposing emotions—sober and thoughtful, then fidgety and fighting to contain his humor. “Robbie is careful and dependable, the same as you.”

  A wry bark of Rance’s laughter jolted her. “I’m careful and dependable?” The sound wilted as quickly as it had blossomed. “You were right that day when you said I needed to look in the mirror, but it was something I did over a year ago. I hope to never see again the image that looked back at me.”

  His statement and its vehemence took her by surprise. What had happened a year ago?

  The boys. According to the first letter he’d written Harriet, that was about the time he took in the children to raise.

  “You don’t have to—”

  He raised a hand. “Please listen, Hallie. My determination to tell you may not survive interruptions.”

  For all her desire to know her husband better, Hallie’s heart catapulted. She wasn’t sure she wished to hear what he had to say, but his melancholy resolve said she must. “All right.”

  “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather go inside near the stove where it’s warmer?”

  Even as she shivered, she shook her head.

  Rance leaned forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands clenched together. “Growing up, Mama claimed I walked around in rubber boots with a devil sitting on my shoulder, guiding me to pools of trouble where I jumped in with both feet. She said I’d drown in one of those puddles someday.”

  Hallie tried to picture her husband as a troublemaker, but it was impossible. She had only known him as an upright man and loving uncle.

  “Mama was right. I hungered to make my mark on the world and got it in my head to leave Georgia for the Klondike gold fields. The stories I’d heard convinced me a fortune waited for me there. Once I had it, I could go anywhere or do anything I wanted.” He shook his head, despair in the depths of his gaze. “When it came to the ambition of a young man, I believe your father and I had much in common.”

  Rance, like her father? At first, with his attitude toward her, she’d made the comparison, but lately, he’d proved her wrong.

  He bounced from his seat and stood at the rail. “Trevor was older by two years, marrie
d and a father twice over. My brother hated the idea of cotton farming almost as much as I did. However, he never acted without counting the cost first, so I was astounded when he announced he aimed to go with me.”

  She joined her husband at the rail. “But he had a family.”

  Rance nodded. “His wife, Livie, was the sweetest woman I’d ever met.”

  An unexpected and unwelcome sensation pinched Hallie. She needed to get hold of herself. Rance was hurting, and here she was turning green with jealousy.

  “Livie was also one of the most amazingly stubborn women I’ve known, refusing to let her husband leave without her.” He sighed. “In some ways, you remind me of her.”

  She couldn’t stop her thought from exiting her mouth. “The sweet part or the amazingly stubborn?”

  “Both, I guess.” His sheepish grin inspired a craving to see it more often. “I think she enjoyed the idea of the quest.”

  Wrapped up and cuddled by the realization that he’d seen through her longings, Hallie said nothing. Her husband saw her for who she was, and he didn’t seem to mind. No, he was nothing like Papa.

  “Once we reached the Yukon and Trevor found out how much supplies ran and the cheating that went on, he figured he’d use his share of whatever gold we found and open a store for the miners, one that offered them fair prices.” His grin disappeared. “My only aim was to return home with my pockets full and impress my family and neighbors with my success.”

  Pride comes before a fall. Somehow, Rance had taken that fall, and his anguish hung over their conversation like a shroud.

  She almost reached out to provide a light touch of comfort, but his stiff bearing said he wouldn’t welcome it. She waited, hands to herself, for him to continue.

  “We made the best of the bitter weather, so different than we were used to in Georgia, and gold pickings that were less than promised. They were good days of relentless work. Even with the dangers that were part of everyday life in the Yukon Territory, we enjoyed one another’s company, laughing and joking often. My brother and I had never been so close.

  “We talked of returning home, but Trevor and Livie were determined to carry out their plan to serve the miners.” Rance clasped his hands together once more, so tightly his skin turned white. “So, we stayed.”

  And they died. He didn’t have to say the words for Hallie to realize where this tale was going. Sorrow cloaked her heart as she waited to hear the rest.

  “In those months, I found numerous pools of trouble to satisfy that devil on my shoulder...drinking, gambling, throwing around some of the gold I’d gathered. I met...” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “I met a woman and thought I was in love.”

  The agony of a thousand wasps stung her insides. She wasn’t so green as to believe a man could reach the age of twenty-five without chasing after a woman who permitted him to catch her. In that case, why should she care if he’d once been in love with someone else? It had nothing to do with today. Did it?

  His features hardened. “I learned too late it was not me she’d set her sights on.”

  Hallie recalled the fate of Three Eyes Elliott. Her skin prickled with more than the chill in the air. She gave in to her inclination and covered his hand with hers. Right away, he eased his hand free. The rebuff sank down to her toes, just as it had done each time her father had rejected her affections.

  When would she learn that the men who garnered her respect, even her love, held no such tender feelings for her?

  Chapter Ten

  Rance didn’t deserve Hallie’s sympathy and couldn’t stomach her rejection once she learned the truth about him, about how his stupidity killed Trevor and Livie.

  He paced the short length of the porch, then stopped to stare over the rail in the direction of the store. Memories assaulted him until he wanted to rip them from his mind.

  Unfortunately, he must share those memories with Hallie and pray that, when she discovered the depth of his shame, she wouldn’t board the next ship to Seattle.

  Rance drew in a breath and faced his wife. “My brother tried to convince me I deserved better than Colleen. He said her history was vague at best. I just laughed. What did I care about her past? Other stampeders had a past they regretted, names they had changed to keep their previous lives secret. All I cared about were the words...the attention she lavished on me. I cared only for a good time.”

  Hallie’s wide-eyed, innocent gaze never left his face. No matter how she felt about him afterward, she needed to know the true nature of the man she’d married.

  He turned away from her. “One day, Trevor and I unearthed the gold we’d traveled to the Yukon territory to find. It was a strike that, if we were prudent, would set each of us up for a long time. We worked for days, gathering as much as we could and hiding what we’d found. One day, I went to Dawson, determined to propose to Colleen. Once I found her, I told her about the gold. I guess I celebrated too hard. Instead of waking up in the cabin, I awoke behind a building, freezing and with blood running in my eye from a deep cut.”

  “The scar on your forehead?”

  Her whisper cratered in his soul, and his fingertips were drawn to the reminder of his folly...his sin.

  Rance lowered his hand. He couldn’t let himself be sidetracked or he might not finish. “Colleen had disappeared. Even with the hazy memory of the night before, I couldn’t believe what I sensed deep down.” He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose so hard he couldn’t breathe. Since Colleen disappeared that day, he would never know if she ever cared for him, or if she intended to betray him all along.

  And had he known...

  He looked away. This next part was the hardest thing he’d ever imagined saying to another living soul, yet the drive to reveal everything became like a living being inside him—twisting, growing, consuming the temptation to keep the worst to himself.

  “As I approached the cabin, I heard shouts coming from inside, and then gunshots. A man ran outside, a miner I’d seen a few times around Dawson. I called to him to stop. He shot at me and missed. Once he’d ridden off, I rushed into the cabin.” Rance swallowed past the burn in his throat. It seemed an eternity before the heartbreak spilled from his lips in rasping words that part of him hoped she couldn’t hear. “I discovered Trevor and Livie.”

  Hallie gasped. Until then, Rance hadn’t noticed that she’d stepped beside him at the porch rail, though she kept a distance between them. He didn’t blame her. At this point, though, he was taking more comfort from her silence than he would her touch. She didn’t try to excuse away his actions or tell him it wasn’t his fault.

  “Trevor lived long enough to tell me what happened. A miner rode onto the claim, and my brother suspected trouble. He met the man outside. The miner demanded the gold, and Trevor tried to talk him out of stealing it. He told the man if he needed help, he could count on getting it. Evidently, that didn’t satisfy him, and they fought. It wasn’t until later that I learned he was Colleen’s husband.”

  Another soft gasp ruptured the image that had invaded his head—an image of his brother and sister-in-law lying on the cabin floor, their blood seeping into the dirt.

  Oh, God, they were blameless. Why didn’t You protect them from my actions as you protected Hallie and the boys from the bear?

  Hallie slid closer now and rested a chilled hand on his. He didn’t pull away this time but turned his hand and entwined his fingers with hers as he’d done the day they were married. He was coming to understand how blessed he had been to wed a woman whose natural inclination was to touch others—physically and emotionally.

  In two short months, this woman and her vibrant spirit had instilled in him a longing to do more than simply go through the motions of existing each day. She had given him back a desire for life and a family.

  After an interminable time in which neither of them said anything, she asked, “Where were the boys?”

  “Livie had sent them to hide in the privy out back.” Rance’s vision blurred
as he described finding them that day. “Davie was too young to understand what was happening and thought they were playing a game, but I saw Robbie’s eyes. He knew.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  Her compassion encouraged him to continue his pathetic story. “No one would have known about the gold if not for me. If it weren’t for my poor choices, Robbie and Davie would have parents to tuck them in at night, not an uncle responsible for taking their mother and father from them.”

  They stood for several minutes, listening to the sounds coming from town. Music and laughter. Dogs barking and horses whinnying. The shouts of good times and bad tempers.

  Rance couldn’t stand the stillness between them any longer. He whispered, “What are you thinking, Hallie? Are you sorry you pledged your life to a man like me?”

  RANCE’S TENSION MANIFESTED in a stranglehold on Hallie’s fingers. In the last few minutes, her husband had confided in her as if she mattered to him. He had opened the door to his past, and now he sought more from her than to know if she regretted marrying him.

  She understood his grief and guilt, but for the first time, she also realized what drove his desperation for peace and security.

  With her free hand, she fingered the locket hanging from the bodice of her dress. After all he had been through, of course he would object to her request to pan for gold. If he’d only told her of his past in the beginning, she would never have asked.

  It no longer mattered. Not when she’d been given a gift, one her father never understood. True treasure couldn’t be picked up in sand or taken from a creek. She had found her treasure with this man and the boys who slept inside the house.

  Rance was waiting for her answer—either for words of absolution or her honest response. God must provide the first, but she could supply the latter.

  She lifted her gaze to his, amazed by her sense of calm. “Colleen and her husband gave in to evil, and it cost your brother and sister-in-law their lives.”